“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck.” ~Mandy Hale

You feel stuck. Your marriage is nowhere near what you dreamed it would be. Your satisfaction has dropped to an all time low. What do you do now?

As Alan Watts once said, "problems that remain persistently insoluble should always be suspected as questions asked in the wrong way." We have powerful minds which work by creativity and logic, we certainly have the power to create solutions.

When we’re stuck, things feel immovable, entrenched, even hopeless. Simply, not a fun place to be. But the truth is that “stuck” is really a feeling and not a reality. You are only as stuck as you believe you are.

Does that mean you can get anything you want? No. But that does not mean you are stuck. There is a crucial shift you need to make in order to get unstuck.

And that shift? It is entirely within your control. I’m talking about making decisions that will help you move forward and ninja kick stuckness in the face.

I want to propose to you that the feeling of being stuck is an illusion — because there is ALWAYS something we can do. You see, stuck is a fixation on your ideal of what you prefer happens. Stuck is convinced that you have to have that one thing, situation, person a certain way.

Often, when we are in a marriage “crisis” we are fixated on having it the way we want that we cannot see other possibilities that we could move towards. We get so caught up in this one way that we can’t see any alternative approaches that could still get us what we want.

When couples come to my office I find it interesting that they are asking the question” “Why?” Why is my spouse acting this way? Why are they not doing what I want? Why are they withdrawn from the relationship? This question “why” is grounded in blame and resentment.

But the question you should be asking is “What?” What are the possibilities? What is going to make us shift? What needs to change? Because when you begin to ask “What” questions you are beginning to build a plan; a way of moving beyond the stuckness.

So, you can make that shift whenever you choose. Or you can remain stuck. Which will you choose?

Unstuck: Fresh Traction For Your Marriage

Ana Loiselle

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